Breakfast In Bed and Beer by 11, Father's Day Week starts today.

 The Importance of Fathers' Day Week!

     Mom's get flowers on Mothers' Day. Chocolates on Valentines Day and face cream on Birthdays. During Fathers' Day Week, Dad's get breakfast in bed, the couch to themselves and they get to go straight from coffee to beer without their wives eyeballing them. I don't have to take out the trash or pick up my socks. I'm not walking any stupid little dogs nor do i have to pretend that I like any stupid little dogs. Not cutting grass or killing spiders, I'm not driving anyone,   anywhere.     Today marks the beginning of Father's Day Week.


     It started with breakfast in bed.   At 11:00.               No, I was not still in bed at 11:00.                      I had really been up since 10:45 and was on the couch.... working, but it seem to make them feel better about themselves to deliver on their promise of breakfast in bed. Biscuits, eggs and bacon.      I don't like to complain but I will. My Fathers Day eggs were over cooked.  well done.  crispy.  She knows  I like my eggs over easy. OVER EASY!!! Not just that, I dislike eggs completely if they're cooked any other way. So, around 11:00, my kids delivered my breakfast to me on the couch. Eating cheese.

     My wife was all smiles,so proud of her 4hourslatewithmyfood kids and beaming over the eggs that she didn't break . Ha! It's hard to break a solid yolk and I secretly hoped they would trip so I wouldn't have to really eat them, but I held my tongue ...... like a gentleman. And chewed. Smile. Chew. Look! Out the window, is that a Unicorn? Spit. Smile. Fake chew. For 10 years she has been overcooking my eggs and today was no different. We're not all perfect and I kept that in mind.               As I rubbed her nose in it and  popped her with the rolled up magazine, I didn't want to, after all, she's the only one that can buy my Fathers Day Week gifts! It's very important to keep the family morale up during the holiday, as only Dads can do.     The gifts should come daily. Hanukkah style. A good wife will know that without you telling her.

Just saying. Lowes, Home Depot or Game Stop.
      Dad's go all year without thinking of themselves. Intent on providing the all of those little things that kids and wives take for granted. Food, indoor living, toilet paper, vaccinations. We excuse our families from worrying about us for every other holiday. Birthdays, Christmas, St. Paddy's. They always ask what we want and we usually choose to give them the easy out. That's what my Dad did for me and I pass it down the line, besides, I just can't give them that much rope,   my kids will promise me the world in November but come Christmas morning its "Hold on Dad, don't come in" as they frantically scribble something out on the back of a school worksheet. Sharing one crayon and smelling like guilt. We protect them from that at our own expense.  Fathers take one on the chin,    for the team,     on a regular basis     never letting on. Sacrifice without thought of reward. Like WWII Kamikaze pilots or modern day suicide bombers. I don't want my family to feel any guilt or think that they owe me something just because:

I haven't worn a costume in nearly 4 years         and it's been 25 since I put one on for Halloween,       But my Visa shows me paying for 3 of them every October.

OK.    I bought  one  costume. So what!

I haven't spoken to the Easter Bunny since college  

        but I always deliver the eggs to the hunt.

I've subsidized the Tooth Fairy for as long as I can remember. 

Don't get in a tizzy, it's not real money.

I eat Ramen Noodles for two weeks after every single Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. ( and sleep with the lights on for a month)

not cool. Not Cool. NOT COOL!

Dads may fall asleep before 11:oo on New Years but always seem to be awake at 5 am for the SpongeBob marathon.

I buy 6 gallons of ice cream each week, and haven't tasted any in years.

All the drama and I still love you almost as much as I fear CPS.

 Moms and kids don't realize half of what we do for them and they never will. I don't feel guilty one little bit. I milk Fathers' Day Week like a Kurdish goat! Our kids owe us, I started them a tab a few days into the fatherhood thing and I would never charge my own children interest but Cost of Living adjustments are another matter entirely. I'm their father and if I don't get them prepared for LIFE, who will? 

Once they start High School, I'm changing my wardrobe to socks and sandals.  and matched thongs, for  those formal Parent/Teacher conferences. 

 I'm gonna stop paying my bills as soon as they get jobs.

 I'm going senile 10 years before they can afford it

and when they get stuck changing my diapers,        I promise,

   cross my heart,

 needle in my eye and all that 

  to pay them back.

 with interest.

But I want to thank my wife and my kids for Fathers Day Week. Dad's may be terrible at saying I love you but it's only because you make us.